Sarah Brown, co-founder of She Is Not Your Rehab, left home at 15 and built a global movement. She did it by being her own best friend. Here she shares three steps so that you can be your own best friend too and live your best life.
Sometimes we're stuck in a long chapter where it's hard to see the end. I've learned so many lessons in the dark places, but I understand why I had to go through what I did.
— Sarah Brown, co-founder of She Is Not Your Rehab
Sarah Brown left home at 15 and had to become an adult on her own.
Together with her husband, Matt, she now co-runs She Is Not Your Rehab, a global movement dedicated to ending family violence, supported by stars like The Rock. With a bestselling book, an app, and millions of social media views, it’s no wonder Sarah and her husband are asked to speak worldwide!
Sarah shares three ways to get through difficult times… because we’ve all been there.
As a teenager who'd just left home, I realized that nobody was going to come to me, which sounds sad. But it was actually a superpower. Only I know what I need for myself.
It's difficult coming out of a rough relationship or heartbreaking situation. You need to give yourself grace and truly be the kindest and wisest person you feel you need.
Why not say the words you want to hear? Maybe you don't have many people in your corner, or you're leaving a volatile situation with no one to turn to. I've had many times in my life where I had to be the voice I needed. I've had to be the wise grown-up that came back and rescued the little version of me.
I printed out a picture of myself as a small child and I'd tell her frequently:
“I've got you now, girl. I'm showing up for you like no one else ever did, and I'm going to be the best big sister in your life. And I'm doing it for you.”
I used to work on the family violence lines in Aotearoa (New Zealand) and we would get calls from people going through horrific things. I’ll never forget listening to them. Some of those people didn't even know if they would make the night – that's how hard life was for them.
No matter what’s going on in your life, in times like these you’ve got to be the kind person to yourself that you need, when no one else is doing it for you.
We don't need more clinical people. We need warm, compassionate humans who want to spread love, positivity, and encouragement. That's what the world needs most.
Being kind to yourself is the first step when you feel like you have nothing. But doing something genuinely kind for someone else – no matter how small – will only make you feel better.
It doesn't cost you anything to say "hello" to someone on the beach and ask how their day is, or to stop a woman who looks amazing and tell her, "Hey, girl, you look fab!"
The other day I saw a mom at the community pool, getting splashed by her three kids, and thought, “Girl, you look so good!" So I told her. You could tell she appreciated it.
You never know where your kindness can land and who might need it. Be the encouraging voice that you want for yourself – but direct it at someone else.
Never dim your light. This world needs more bright ones.
To anyone in a really hard chapter, just keep going.
It can be easy to make your pain your whole identity and story, but don’t. Use it as fuel toward the life you want to build and the difference you want to make in this world.
Matt and I created She Is Not Your Rehab from our own lived experiences. We both grew up in undesirable circumstances, but used them as the foundation for something bigger. Our movement is not just a trauma story. It’s proof that you can survive the hardest times in your life and get to a much better place. We’ve had the most profound experience of repairing our inner child with encouragement and love, and it all stems from that first step of showing kindness to yourself.
When I was growing up, sometimes my only goal was to get through the day, and that was okay. I'd repeat to myself this daily mantra:
“The days are long, but the years are short.”
At 43, I know that’s true. Those hard days feel long, but one day you'll understand why you had to go through what you went through.
One foot in front of the other.
